How I see it all...

I've stepped away from this for a while now. I really can't seem to muster the thoughts needed to write something from within when I can't truly voice anything I'm feeling. I think I jumped on at this moment because I can actually feel the bubbling of a sensation that I imagined would come much sooner. It's strange that I can feel it despite being on the run with work and scheduling and such. However, here it is...

About a week ago, I watched my best friend walk through the gates to go back to a place that I'm sure she loves. I can't help but to wonder now when she assured me that passing everything up for me was completely worth it all though. I mean, it couldn't be right? How can you sacrifice something that you care so much about in place of something that's just a surreal moment in ones life? It was surreal right? I'm not saying that I'm not happy because I am and I wonder if those of you that read this will ask about the depth of what I profess. I mean it all though. It's a strange rush of I don't know what. I reflect back on it and it makes me happy. I have a burn on my arm that I can smile at. I have a knee that is cramped but it isn't really noticed because I have a hand holding mine as the world passes by at 90 miles an hour. I have vomit on a wall but that's okay because we're all in touch with one another. What binds us in this world? What causes us to feel and to bear sentiment towards a person and our experiences? I think it's an unexplainable force called love. If that's it, then I do love. I was recently told that I don't feel. I don't know what it is that drives me then if that's not it. It's an arrow in life that flies in the direction that it's pointed and I have no choice but to follow. Much of this will probably be passed aside in thought as it makes no sense but I think it's the best that I can muster in these moments of the drowning white that seems to consume my thoughts. I will try however to fight for the surface that I know exists. The world around me has seen it and I beg you all to not forget me or forget who I am. It may be getting boring by now but there is still much to know in all aspects. I have fallen and I like where it is. If my world is rushing by too quickly, call out for me and I will try to take you along. If it's a place you don't wish to go, then I'll do all that I can to wait. And even now, this white clouds me. A message has arrived from someone. I haven't checked it yet...But my cage has beckoned and I have no choice but to enter. I'll check it and then lose you now...The feeling is already fading and I suppose that's a good thing for the moment. Remember to smile for me as it makes my day. I might not be able to cry out or even simply cry at all...Until next time...Do not let me be forgotten. Though flickering, I still burn.