How I see it all...

I don't want this to end but I'm drowning. I get the feeling that you might be too. I think that the moment I pass through my own doorway each day, the weight of it all crushes down on me and I literally physically ache. I understand that a huge percentage of marriages end due to conflicts of perspective on money. I don't want to be one of those people. I can't help but to slip on my faith from time to time and wonder if we should save ourselves thousands of dollars now instead of it costing us so much more later. I don't want to be broken and it sits so heavily on me to think that I might very well be breaking you. Looking back on it, I don't think a single promise of yours has been upheld...I mean, even the most simple things have fallen through the cracks. Do I make you feel unloved every day? Do I appear to you as a warden of a prison from time to time? What else can I give you without losing myself in the process? I realize that you have made sacrifice for me and I hope that when you look back that you'll see that I have also given up much for you. You see, when you first began to love me, you were looking at an entirely different person than what you have now. I wish so much that many of the things about me might have been preserved but you demanded that they be let go. I have redefined my entire perspective of life just to continue holding on to your love. My values have changed so much that I often come to disagreement with myself in simple choices. I look into the mirror and watch myself fade. I'm not sure what these thoughts could even do for anyone except to perhaps give myself a marking point in time. I hope that I'll see the results of this timeline go on to a wonderful place but I can't help but to see that explained gloom that passes over at the moment of "Hello" as I enter my home. I don't want to lose you as I run but I do know that I want to be free. I just wish that I could have you as my lover, my friend, and as my wife. Instead, I think I have a master, an opponent, and an assailant.