How I see it all...

I'm ever so slowly starting to write again. Some would be pleased at this development but I hold to myself a bit of reserve. There have been moments in my life when the quill of today's age flew across the pages with my words so clearly voiced for the world to interpret. As revealing as these moments in my past have been, I can't help but to realize that each of these times have been in an emotional turmoil. I can't say that I feel unhappy or depressed. She calls it "sensitive". I call it annoying. Yes. Of course I'm sensitive. Who isn't when they're constantly prodded on one direction or another and they have no idea where they truly want to go? I have my beliefs and I hold fast to my efforts....Where will they take me though? Will my faith be enough when that of those whom surround me is found to be waning? Who knows. As I see it, it's just another day. Three days from now should be lovely. Let's hope that it goes well. I love you world.

I don't think that it will matter either way you know? It's like, for every single right that you do, there's always going to be that one wrong that comes and washes it all away. It's supposed to be one of those things that makes someone smile...Instead, there's the yelling and disagreement. They try so hard to make you happy and then when it happens, somehow you weren't worth it...Maybe just not planned. One effort that you take pulls away from another moment and somehow one or the other wasn't good enough. I think it's really just a whirl of numbers that keep us in a constant contradiction.
I want but I won't...I see but can't understand...I hear but I wasn't listening...
It's a fickle thing you know? I guess I'll just get out another brush. I have plenty of paint remaining. This is my picture. Come paint with me. We'll cover our canvases until there's nothing left to understand.

The buildings out the window are beginning to glow as the sun peeks through the trees to paint the walls beyond. There isn't anyone on the street yet. I suppose that they're all curled up in their beds to pass the day away. How unfortunate. I only wish that I could leave this place to go out amongst the unknown. I haven't stepped into something unfamiliar in quite some time. I'm actually fairly excited about today...I have a new present, something undiscovered. I'll go see that later. I am almost willing to fly out of this window and head downtown. There's an event taking place at the Expo Center. I've never been. It's not so much that I want to go for the event but that I haven't been there before. I don't want to drive around lost but I certainly don't mind walking. Anyway, maybe they'll ask me to leave today. One can dream. A clear day here is hard to find. Maybe it will be mine before too long. I love you world. It's such a shame that you're going to waste.